Yes, you did just read that correctly.
Geneva (Associated Press) – Arab nations have brought a resolution to the United Nations Security Council that denounces Israel for perpetrating stubbed toes and splinter injuries throughout the Middle East, in violation of international law.
With the Palestinian Authority seeking to establish itself as a non-member observer state, Draft Resolution 4761 adds tension to an already volatile Arab-Israeli dynamic… In the proposed resolution’s current language, the Council “condemns Israel for continued victimization of Palestinians in the Occupied Territories and in neighboring countries through the nefarious use of splinters and stubbed toes. The United Nations calls upon Israel to meet its obligations under international law and previous UN resolutions, and to cease causing injury to the innocent toes and fingers of oppressed minorities.”
Although Russia and China are expected not to veto this resolution, the U.S. State Department has expressed unease, and most experts believe an American veto is inevitable, given profligate use of splinter and stubbed toe technology by U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Israeli officials have remained largely silent on the matter, but a Foreign Ministry official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that the Jewish state would expend little effort in lobbying its few allies on the Council to defeat the resolution, explaining that the country does not wish to call even more attention to its minor-foot-injury weaponry. It is widely believed in the intelligence community that Israel possesses wart and corn generators, and unconfirmed reports have surfaced in the last six months that the country has also developed a potent paper-cut-and-lemon-juice arsenal….
Perhaps the most subversive invention, created less than a hundred years ago, was to create the hangover. It never existed before the “Free Soviet Jews” movement of the sixties, and was deliberately designed to enslave those behind the Iron Curtain….